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THE MYSTERY OF MADNESS
By Richard Jameson (First chair of Voices Forum)

After 50 years of intensive research, schizophrenia remains a mystery to the layman. What causes it? What is it? An illness or a spiritual state? What are the parameters of the complaint? What is schizophrenic and what is not?

I was diagnosed schizophrenic 39 years ago and since 1975 have enjoyed very good health. When I first fell ill, there were no supportive organisations except MIND and pitifully few pills. Nobody seemed to know or care about our plight. Since then, organisations have mushroomed, medication has multiplied and the scientists have taken a real interest.

The tunnel the schizophrenic is going through seems to be endless. If he is hypomanic, it is endless joy and fascinating drama. If he is depressed, the only exit seems to be suicide. Both sufferers need rescuing and confining for a time.

I am wise after the event: I can say that hospital was the
best thing that could have happened to me. Because look at me now: I can communicate, I can act in theatre productions, I know how to look after myself and develop rich relationships. I am probably more sane than someone who has never experienced a mental illness.

For all the tragedy, I look back on my schizophrenic experience with wonder. The world of the mind is truly amazing. I dreamt and lived out my dreams with my eyes open, walking about the town. One moment I was an ambassador for the British Government trying to sort out the feud between good-looking people and ugly people everywhere. The next I was sitting in judgement on my mother and the Queen. The trial went on for at least half an hour quite audibly.

If I had supplied all the lines and noises myself, I must be more of a genius than I thought I was. But I think I must have stumbled on some sort of spirit world. That is the only explanation (if you can call it that) which I can give.

An illness? Yes, in that it puts you totally out of action and may land you in hospital - but the most vivid, painless and exciting illness in the book!

It is equally amazing how these dreams have dried up. Now I use my imagination for practical purposes, as when I'm picturing a cartoon or giving flesh and blood to a character I can only realise from lines on a page.

Acting is the most dangerous occupation for me. I have acted madmen without any ill effects, but the first time I acted a madman using Method acting techniques, I found myself incarcerated and demented. Humour would have helped, but there was no humour in that production.

Acting is pretending with your whole body in a make-believe situation. No wonder some actors get stuck in the twilight world between fact and fiction. One Lithuanian actor I know has played so many parts professionally that he does not know who he is any more. He is mad in a mysterious way.

My own personality has survived all my experiences. I am still the cocky little show-off I have always been, except when I'm acting. But I could have done without the crippling spells out of the community. They set me back quite a bit at the height of my career. But it was the only way.

A good hospital will provide the rest, relaxation and security necessary for recovery. It will also have its sights set on life after hospital in the community. At Horton we might have rotted and remained there for the rest of our lives - many did. At the Atkinson Morley we were trained to be citizens of the world again. Yet the differences are not known to the public: some terrible mistakes could still be made.

The fact that this illness does have a happy ending in many, many cases is cause for relief. But there is still a whole campaign ahead to improve the image of the illness. The violent ones get all the publicity and give schizophrenia a very bad name indeed. A totally unwarranted stigma, considering how harmless most sufferers are.

The sane mind is a mystery: how much more so the insane. We can talk of chemicals and electrical impulses, but what about the content of the thoughts transported? So much is still to know. Thank goodness we have these amazing drugs, even though exactly how they work remains something of a mystery to the inventors themselves.